Doing what you love only to have another love swing in and crush it.

As a result of this morning's trip down the RSS rabbit hole, I found Robin Rendle’s wonderful essay on newsletters†. As I got a few lines into his article, a memory from the fall of my freshmen year in college hit me. It was a time when I created a ‘zine and mailed it to my friends and family. It was a simple 8.5 x 5.5, four pages, staple-bound. I did the layout with Aldus Pagemaker on a Mac SE. Inside I included an update on what I was up to; and brief stories on what I was reading and listening to at the time. I filled the space with quotes and little tidbits that included a paragraph from Douglas Adam’s Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I wish I could remember exactly what part of the book, but it was quotable. Hell, I wish I still had a copy! Basically, it was as if I had collected a month of Tumblr activity and put it on paper. Little did I know how far ahead in the world I was at the time—Tsk tsk.

I received three responses.

Grandpa Storey was the first to respond (via US mail mind you) with a message that he loved it and encouraged me to keep making more. The second came from a friend and date for the senior prom. She returned the entire issue folded so that it could fit into a normal envelope. I pulled it out and unfolded it to find every page filled with red lines—grammar and spelling corrections. There was no note, just this savage deconstruction pointing out all of my flaws. The third and most profound response came from another friend who was also, at the time, the girl of my dreams. It was mailed back whole, never opened with a displeased note. Something along the lines of, why did I send this thing to her instead of taking the time to write a personal email? 

I was crushed and I never made another zine in my life (so far anyway). In retrospect, I should have focused on the words of my grandfather and kept going. Instead, I let young love trample my joy into the ground. Screw you Allison...asshat.

† I fully intend to come back to Robin’s article on newsletters. Today’s schedule was packed and his work deserves more time to digest and reflect.